your sheep looks concerned
I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.
Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”
Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.
Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.
You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.
…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.
i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man
the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge
Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.
If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.
PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN
I AFDGFHGKJHKHGFDSF I AM DONE
Don’t forget that the chances of being caught are greatly reduced if you murder someone who has no connection to you at all. Most murderers end up killing someone they know in some fashion, so they’re easily caught. Serial killers kill at random, hence why they can kill a lot before they screw up.
I am not a serial killer, honest.
I am seriously concerned for all of you
please don’t judge me for tagging this for future reference, IT’S FOR PURELY FICTIONAL PURPOSES OK
I’M PRETTY SURE THE NEXT TIME I SEE THIS POST, ADVICE ON BURYING BODIES WILL ADD UP UNTIL IT SUFFICES TO BE COMPILED AS A HANDBOOK
How to kill a bitch: a guide by tumblr
One of the classes at my school is forensics and the final is to write an essay on how to commit the perfect murder.
I think I know what I’m doing next year.
I SWEAR I’M REBLOGGING THIS FOR FICTION RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY
satanal-sex stole the words right out of my mouth.
|Your women's studies prof:||Class, do you think pornography enables male entitlement?|
|You:||Well, according to this essay I read by someone who does porn, it doesn't make a lot of sense to just critique it as a piece of media + not a site + product of highly stigmatized labor. So, yes, it does, but that may largely be beside the point of where and how male violence occurs in relation to pornography.|
|That lady at your local NOW chapter:||It is WRONG for men to purchase sex, therefore we must make it illegal.|
|You:||I agree that capitalist conditions create coercive and abusive situations for those in the sex industry, but carceral solutions don't address that underlying issue.|
|Your younger sister:||*points at a Maxim magazine cover* Isn't it wrong that there are all these sexualized pictures of women everywhere?|
|You:||It's wrong that the male gaze is all-pervasive and our idea of the ideal woman is profoundly racist, sizeist, ableist, and cissexist. It's also wrong that these images exist within the context of a violent patriarchal culture, but the images themselves are not wrong.|
|Some rando in your ask box:||How do we end the abuse of people in the sex industries?|
|You:||Let me link you to this blog by sex workers advocating for workers' rights.|
|Your boyfriend:||Why is there so much bad sex in porn?|
|You:||Let me show you this essay on porn by a sex worker.|
|Your girlfriend:||Stripping is exploitative.|
|You:||Let me show you this academic article written by a stripper.|
|Your aunt:||Dominatrices probably think they're empowered but really--|
|You:||Here's a thing written by a sex worker.|
|You:||Here's a thing written by a sex worker.|
|You:||Good point, let me read you this issue of Prose & Lore out loud.|
|You:||*signal boosts our words + shows up at rallies + emails legislators + gives orgs like Abeni + Sex Workers Project all your damn money*|
today a guy confirmed that at boy sleepovers they do in fact talk about girls and who they like a good majority of the time i just thought this would be useful information
Why does this have so many notes? What did you think we do at sleepovers? Meth? Animal sacrifice?
Well thats what girls do
let me just say a few things about ‘all about that bass’ real quick
- it’s a song about body positivity and we don’t get many of those so can we just take that into consideration please
- i know people are kicking off about her using the phrase “skinny bitches” but she does follow it up with "no, i’m just playing i know you think you’re fat / but i’m here to tell you that / every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top" she’s taken an insult commonly given to slim women and basically a said so what if you are skinny/skinny but you think you’re fat, YOU’RE STILL PERFECT
- i’ve seen shit loads of people saying it makes them feel more confident, and slim women get a ton of media reinforcing the idea that their body is perfect anyway
- IT’S CATCHY AS FUCK
imo if parents dont respect their kids then they dont deserve respect from their kids. im tired of people thinking that its normal for parents to treat their children like property or like they dont have feelings. im tired of people thinking that overprotective parents arent harmful. treat your children like people because thats what they ARE
Having realistic and relevant expectations for your kids is how you train them to become adults. Children have to be taught to respect, both themselves and others. It’s not innate programming. Good parenting doesn’t just fucking happen!
You can sure bet if my kid is failing to meet expectations, things start getting taken away. Because as a parent, you’re emulating how the real world is going to treat them. If you fail to show up to work, you don’t get paid. If you fail to do your chores or homework, you don’t get to have fun. As for emotional development, there are appropriate times for kids to learn to do things and learn about things. Parents are the first and foremost protectors of their children’s innocence but also responsible for dispelling any lies that the world tells them. And effectively balancing these concepts can be difficult. In addition to the stress of providing for both oneself AND children’s welfare.
Have you noticed a trend here? Good parenting deserves respect. And particularly ornery brats up the stakes and effective parenting is to put that child in their place. The world will do it. And it’s safer to learn that lesson at home than make the mistake of thinking you can yell at your boss and still have a job at the end of the day. If you find yourself questioning another person’s parenting, I suggest you ask yourself:
1. Do you have children?
2. Is it any of your business?